Another College Story

I came to a mental crossroads in my spiritual life in my junior year of college. I got to the point where I was exhausted by "God-speak." I was tired of “giving God the glory” for things that I was probably just doing myself. Would I have to go through the rest of my life hoping that God would keep “opening and closing doors” for me? I wanted to hear from God. I wanted to know what He was doing. I was ready to abandon all guesswork entirely. My opportunity came. I needed a job, and the best job I could find while attending school was as a church accompanist—decent pay, limited hours. I auditioned at a large church and was offered the position, but I needed to start right away and I would have to continue through the summer. If I took the job, I couldn’t go on the summer ministry tour I was planning, and I would have to find housing in the area. I told the choir director that I would pray about it and give her a decision on Sunday. That was Wednesday. While I was driving home from the audition, I thought about what I said. Would I really be able to know what God wanted me to do? I remember feeling very strongly about finding out for sure this time. Did He want me to stay back from a ministry tour just to make money, or would He provide a more flexible job? Before I got home I had made a decision. I would ceremoniously fry myself a cheeseburger and then not eat again until I was sure that God had given me an answer. I went home, ate the burger, and prayed like a maniac. The next day, I was talking to a friend who said that if I wanted to stay in Los Angeles for the summer, I could stay in his apartment and share the rent. If I went on tour, we could lead the ministry team together. It didn’t give me an answer, but it did open up a place to stay. I refused to open my Bible during this time, afraid that I would read into the verses. I felt bad, like I was trying to twist God’s arm, but I knew that I had to persevere. I was so tired of not being sure. By Friday night, “hungry” was an understatement. I remember going to a restaurant with my friends but not planning to eat. Smart. While I was sitting there, watching everyone else eat, I looked over at the friend who had offered to share the summer with me. I can’t explain why, but at that moment, I knew that I should take the accompanist job and stay in Los Angeles. It was a feeling. I didn’t really want a feeling. I wanted a burning bush outside the music building. Later that night, I ate. I didn’t get sick. I didn’t feel guilty. But I have to admit, I didn’t feel confident either. On Sunday, I told the director that I would take the job. “When did you decide?” she asked. “Friday night.” “What time?” I thought back. “Around 6:00.” She looked startled. “That’s interesting. Because at 6:00, Friday night, something told me to stop worrying about the choir job. It was such a strong sensation that I looked at my watch.” So God wanted me to make money and not go on the ministry tour? Funny thing: I got married that summer, but at the time, I wasn't even dating Laurie. How could I have known? I needed to stay home. That first experience in college forever altered my approach to faith. I was finally confident that God could speak to me and confirm His word. I also knew that living by faith was something that I had to pursue. No more open and closed doors. No more superstitious God-speak. No magic Bible verses. No pointless prayers or Christianese. For once, it was real.