God's Voice #2

From early on, I sensed God moving me here and there from time to time, though everything was fairly subtle compared to my experience in High School. After that experience, I continued to have periodic stirrings in my soul, especially in worship, but never stopped wrestling with the challenge he posed to me.

Three years of silence was frustrating. When the word "love" came up in a worship song, I would stop singing. It was a strangling disability. At one point, during my junior year of college, after recalling the phrase "We love him because he first loved us," I demanded that God prove his love for me. I devoted myself to an hour of prayer a day, hoping for some kind of breakthrough.

At the same time, I was just starting to date Laurie, though we hadn't been seeing each other long enough to define our relationship. In February of 1995 she came down from Sacramento to LA to visit me for a weekend. On a Friday night, while I was at a rehearsal, she made dinner for us transforming my college bachelor kitchen in a romantic dining area complete with Italian food and candles. After we ate, we decided to drive up into the mountains to pray together.

Okay, I admit it, it was a move, like telling a nice Christian girl that you want to be a youth pastor. We all know that girls want to marry youth pastors (spiritual leader, good with kids, fun) What's not to like? Anyway, we found one of those movie spots with the lights of the city far below, and parked. Then we talked for a few hours before we finally decided to pray. I took her hand. Isn't that what people do when they pray? Yeah. Nice move.

We prayed back and forth for a couple of hours. As usual, I prayed about the love question, among other things. Then, about three in the morning, we stopped and just sat in that post-prayer silence where no one wants to be unspiritual and speak first.

It was God who spoke first. It all came in a moment, like before, but could be summarized into something like this: "My love is romantic. Your life is like a meal, and all of its phases are like progressive courses. The food, settings, and candles are like the people, places, and events that you experience. They are there to draw you to myself, the person sitting across the table. Then, when all of the food is eaten and the candles have died, it will be just you and me."

With the message came a powerful sensation. It was so strong that I began to tremble and I felt that if it became more intense, it would kill me. It was a love that made every other love (romantic, paternal, platonic) feel limited and small. It changed me. To this day, I will never doubt how he feels, not just about me, but about humanity. Despite any evidence to the contrary, I cannot doubt his benevolent intentions.

Just as I was about to say something to Laurie, she blurts out, "John, God is romantic!" He told her the same thing in the same moment. Isn't that just like him?

Since that day, I am not easily intimidated. I used to be very skittish, especially when it came to demonic situations or dark alleys at night. No longer. I am confident in his ability beyond mine, allowing me to smile or even laugh when situations seem desperate. I am not afraid. I feel solid inside. I really do. But it has nothing to do with my own abilities. I'm not that great.

But who cares? He is.

God's Voice #1

God's voice doesn't sound like mine. I want to be comfortable, smart, and successful. God wants me to grow. When he speaks, it usually feels like the world goes on pause for a moment, as if I just remembered something that I never knew. The message is often clear, though I usually ask for some kind of confirmation. That's because he's asking me to do something uncomfortable. At other times, it comes as the revelation of a concept, which always makes me feel a combination of excitement, humility, and gratefulness. It is very unlike the feeling I get when I solve something with research or logic. The first time I clearly heard God's voice was in my senior year of high school. I was sitting in my home church when the pastor posed the question, "How can we be salt and light on the earth?" I looked across the room and saw this kid who was obsessed with Sacramento Kings Basketball. He knew every player, every stat. He listened to every game on his little radio and never failed to pack my ears full of commentary every Sunday. When I saw him, the Holy Spirit spoke to me. It was not a voice in my head. It was not a voice anywhere. It was a sudden realization that seemed to come more from my chest than my head. The message was imposed, not extrapolated from previous information. I wasn't even seriously considering the question when the answer was given. That was Sunday. On Monday and Tuesday, I preached to the interior of my car as I drove to school in the morning. I coudn't help it. It was a compulsion. Like an itch. My sermon was something like this: That boy was a "light" to Kings basketball. Why? Because he loved it. Do girls need to be compelled to pull out a picture of their boyfriends? Do experienced singers need a gun put to their heads before they'll sing? No. They love it. Why was I not a light for God? I didn't love him. The secret to the Christian life is to fall in love with God, not try harder. Otherwise the relationship is forced and contrived, leading to hypocrisy. I would find myself acting more like the Devil who "masquerades as an angel of light" than God who is the true light of the world. On Tuesday afternoon I was sitting in a little bible study at school and the leader of the Student Council was complaining that he had to speak in chapel in just two days but could think of nothing to talk about. I quickly offered to take it for him. You need to understand something. I had a reputation for being negative and argumentative, especially in spiritual conversations. Also, this was the Student Council chapel. I wasn't even on the Student Council. By some miracle, he gave it to me without hesitation. When I sat down to prepare on Wednesday night, I had so many ideas I was just notating the avalanche of information in my head. It was like a spiritual download. Then, on Thursday morning, I was standing in front of my entire high school preaching the very thing I had heard from God on the previous Sunday. That chapel was my first preaching experience. I was nervous in front of my peers, but also confident in what I had to say. When I was finished, I saw that some of the students were crying. One teacher said that it was the best chapel of the year. I was a little freaked out to be honest. That was my first experience with the voice of God. I have had many since. In most cases, he does something physical to confirm his word to me, just as he did on that first occasion. I have also noticed that the message is rarely given for my own personal benefit. Though he loves us individually and speaks personally to us, he often works in such a way that, at the right time, the message can be given to others. We are not meant to be spiritual sponges, but more like tubes. When we put fuel in our bodies, it is for the entire body, not just one small part. God seems to fuel his body in the same way. What is your first experience with the voice of God?

Body, Soul, and Spirit

Okay Frank, enough of this "God spoke to me" garbage. Let's hear some proof. What does God sound like? Does he use a booming megaphone from heaven? A still small voice? A feeling? How do you know it's not just your own thoughts or emotions? When does it happen? How often?

I'll get to that in the next post, but before we can analyze the activity of soul and spirit, we need to know the difference between them. Our belief systems, right or wrong, can generate true feelings of guilt, peace, joy, and so on. These feelings cannot be trusted. A sense of peace can come from any number of sources, one of which is Vodka. How can we sort the subtle voice of God from the clutter of our minds and emotions?

Hebrews 4:12 states, "The Word of God is living and active (This is not the written word, but the activity of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes this activity is written down, but not always), sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit...

Hold on! What's the difference between the soul and the spirit? In the Old Testament, the difference is not as clearly pronounced as it is in the New Testament. The Hebrews tended to group the soul into a more general "inner man" category, mixing thoughts and emotions together like a casserole. The Greeks took out the individual ingredients, named them, and described their functions.

The analogy that is used in the next part of the verse helps us to differentiate the two: "...the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow..."

What do joints and marrow have to do with anything? Christians will often glaze over these kinds of phrases, assuming that the author just meant to emphasize that it was really penetrating, but why use these words? Who divides the marrow of a bone from it's joints?

If we draw a parallel between soul and joints, and spirit and marrow, the answer becomes clear.

A bone is being compared to a body. The marrow of a bone produces blood and fat cells, making it alive and healthy. Apparently, this is what our human spirit does for our bodies. When our spirits leave, our bodies die. I once sat down with a Bible teacher that showed some insight in these matters. When I asked him what the human spirit was, he said, "The spirit is you. It is the core of your being. It is the part of you that can interact with the Holy Spirit, the part that makes you different than an animal."

So animals have souls?

What about joints? They allow the bones to move. Our soul is the expressive part of our inner man whether by thought, emotion, or the activity of our will. Our soul can be motivated by the urgings of the body (often called "the flesh" in scripture), causing us to act like an educated animal, seeking only food, shelter, pleasure, procreation, and self preservation. Or it can respond to your spirit.

Animals have personalities. They can think. They emote. But everything is based in their flesh. They don't ponder the future while staring at sunsets. Well, dolphins do. And Sun Bears. But that's it.

A proper understanding of these concepts reveals three kinds of creatures:

Plants: Body only

Animals: Body and soul

Men: Body, soul, and spirit

So how can we consciously sense the difference between our souls and our spirits?